Choosing a Life

If someone would have told me in college that choosing a career is of the utmost importance, I probably would have shrugged them off. After all, I was free to make what ever choices I wanted. I had the comfort of living at home, close to rent-free, my food and utilities (and childcare) were provided free of charge by my parents. Choosing a career seemed like just another step on the path to college graduation.

Then the excitement and anticipation of working in the 'real world' was suddenly crushed when I realized that I really did have to sit at this desk for 8 hours a day, that I really was responsible to pay bills, to pay for a new car, and to pay utilities.

The focus then went on getting out of my parent's house as quickly as I could and 'getting out on my own'. 4 years into a glorified desk job (and with a substantial weight gain), I had moved up in my career to where I could afford my own housing for myself and my son.

Now that I have the job, the car, the apartment (and the larger waistline), I am suddenly unhappy again, unhappy with what has become my status quo.

I don't want the desk job, I don't want the car payments, I don't want the monthly rent. I want something bigger, something intangible yet comprehendible. Living independently in the 'real world' is not all it is cracked up to be. I am on the 'work-spend' treadmill and I want to get off. I just don't know my next bold move. Should I pursue massage therapy, oriental healing, a freelance photography venture, or maybe a poetry gig or find myself a farm I can buy with my life savings (that is well under 10,000 dollars).

The answer is that, I am not sure.

I am not sure which direction to go in.

I could:
a) suck it up and work at my well-paying desk job
b) fly the coop without a plan, hippie style (not a good plan with a child)
or c) plan some grand exit plan from the wheel of misfortune that I call 'working for the man' and slide into an independent minimalist lifestyle

I think C is my best option. I just have to formulate the plan. I feel like this is as hard as trying to 'take over the world'.

I just need to remember that I do not take care of the universe, it takes care of me.

So here I go.

I've already started my journey by reading a lot from people who have succeeded at a jump from the wheel. I am talking to friends, reading minimalist and simple living blogs, changing my diet to not include animal protein, trying to buy local whenever I can, ridding my home of clutter and chaos, downsizing my possessions to the bare essentials (I still have a ways to go), stashing away savings any chance I can get, planning to possibly pay off my car or my college loan (or both if I can scrounge enough money together).

I guess the jist is that I am making progress and I need to stop and see that. I just have such a sense of urgency with this project. I feel like I should be farther along than I am, but I cannot quit my job cold turkey, it would put my life into financial shock. So I happily move forward to re-creating my life to better suit myself and my son. Material things have become too primary in our lives. My son doesn't understand the value of money, my own sanity is on the brink. I need change and I need it yesterday.

Let's end this blog post on a positive note. I can do this. I can figure out a plan and a solution, just like I have done before (going through college, choosing a career, moving out of my parent's house, raising a son). I have dealt with many challenges in my life already, this one is no different. It is just multifaceted. There are many components involved and like Indiana Jones, I have to watch my step. Each step is a choice and each choice brings me closer to that ellusive dream of independence and freedom.