my brain

i am not sure what is wrong with me but i cannot focus. i cannot gather my thoughts enough to answer work emails. it is frustrating and i am not sure what is going on. i am on my normal dose of meds, i am well rested, i have foggy brain though. it may be a remnant of my binges on wednesday and tuesday. i feel like i am floating, like there is not enough oxygen getting to my brain, like i am not really here. and thinking is impossible. i have work to do, i just can't gather my thoughts enough to devise an action plan. i feel overwhelmed. i just wish life would be good. like i would be happy and things would be easier for me. they are not, and i am having to pray to God just to get through normal daily activities. i could fall asleep and things would feel better. i am praying and giving it over to God just to get me through. i feel so close to nothingness and giving up but i don't want to. i just don't want it to be so damn hard. i don't know what is going on other than i cannot do things and everything seems really hard. why??? why can't it just be a little easier, a little more bliss, a little more ease. drugs are they helping me? drugs are they doing what they are supposed to? am i doing what i'm supposed to? i am just trying to keep moving forward. hopefully things get better as the day goes on..